I won’t waste your time bringing you up to speed on the back stories of these five lovely couples who went from Bridezillas altar to Bridezillas marriage counseling in breaking-Mach-one speed. Please refer to this previous post for that.
Let’s just jump into it with my early impressions/pre-dispositions:
I vaguely remember Porsha and Bryon‘s appearance on Bridezillas. And, I remember liking their flow much in the same way I liked that Tanisha from Bad Girls Club’s flow. POP OFF.
I wholeheartedly remember Remy and Rob. 1) Because they filmed part of the show in Philly, despite their living in South Jersey. 2) I recognized Rob from working in the same field. 3) It surprised me that nobody made a bigger deal out of Rob’s diva makeup-donning approach to life in the world of Philly sports. 4) And, it just struck me as odd that Rob would have so many Twitter followers, even with the radio appearances like the one I caught before a Phillies game on the drive home the other night, the one when he implored listeners to watch the show, as it might help them in their own relationships.
I didn’t remember, not even vaguely, Melissa and Chris. When I saw them on screen, the unedited press-release draft that I received prior to the show — the one that told its writer to play down their issues because not many people would recognize them either — made perfect sense. There is no question in my mind that they (or she) was an eye-candy blonde throw-in. But whatever. She reminds me, in a way, of Debbie Gibson. So, when not blocking out their time on screen, I’ll hum “Shake Your Love” to myself or drift off into memories of her wrestling match with Tiffany.
Full disclosure: I’ll be biased in a pro-Danni and Marlon sense throughout the eight episodes. This, because Danni reached out after I tore her to shreds in the Bridezillas post and was really cool about it. So cool, in fact, that she did a Tuesday Night Fights review on Deadspin. I’m pulling for them.
And then, there’s Seth and Kirsten.
Each time they’ve shown up on an array of reality shows, I’ve focused on the crazy vibe going on there. I guess that’s why, a few weeks back, she tracked down my OFFICE PHONE NUMBER and left a message asking me to call back. Which I did once, but got no answer; there have been several cordial texts back and forth, one of which indicated how she felt they edited out how she was “hoping to promote special-needs kids.” And how she has thyroid issues. And how she hopes reality TV can help her bring good to the world. And how a “family play date” would be cool!
Yeah.
These are the types of things that happen when you blog about Bridezillas, kids. Look before you type.
So anyway, true to the name of the show, all these folks get put up in an L.A. mansion that’s not unlike a Big Brother/Bachelor hybrid.
They’re all talking about each others’ appearances. And their relationship issues.
Communication. Intimacy. Demandingness. That kind of stuff. And rooms are assigned in such a fashion that feeds into those relational issues. Selfishness got the tiniest room, for example, prompting Rob to start saying he wanted to go home and whatnot.
Right off the bat, the Debbie Gibson-ish chick is so full of herself they need to concoct a stronger term than egotistical. But that’s forgotten when they start yapping about Kirsten and edit it in such a fashion that she walks right in the front door.
In fact, the entire episode is edited in such a fashion that focuses on the air of lunacy. She’s slugging champagne so she gets to the bubbles “before anybody else drinks it.” When Porsha questions her ability to sing well, Kirsten snaps to the point of heading out to Porsha’s man to complain about it.
Danni, during grace, tries to reel the focus back in on working on personal problems rather than battling among couples. Which is a good thought. But then they’re off to the manse-theater, where the interviews — meant to be private submission tapes — are shown to all. Drunk Kirsten laughs at the others’ problems but then storms out tha room when she and Seth’s dirty laundry is aired (i.e. no sex for a while and having thought about “throwing in the towel”).
Editing could have a lot to do with it, but a lot of airtime is given to the lunacy (and I’ve heard it wasn’t entirely the editing from multiple sources; I mean, what the hell, I have multiple sources on a WeTV show, where did things go so wrong?)
Oh, so yeah, they got marriage counselors in the mix the morning after. Four of ‘em. They’re playing games like “pick bricks that represent problems in your marriage.” And get in a boxing ring to fight these issues out. With words.
It’s at this point that I start thinking: Hmm, if these folks are genuinely on this show to work out their problems, there’s no way in hell I can mock them like the standard Bridezillas contestants. Seriously. There’s a conscience here.
But, I’ve been urged to stick with it. So that I will.